hard-hitting thoughts on FASHION and our wobbly, wobbly egos

A girl wrote:

“So many people just seem so dang contrived these days. We get it- you’re cool. You have your lip pierced and your Vans are pretty beat up. You have one of those rockclimberclipsthatyoucan’tactuallyuseforrockclimbing attached to your beltloop and you like discussing religion and your philosophy on life. Donnie Darko is your favorite movie, and you own vinyls and shop at Urban.

“I’d plead for more originality here if I didn’t find these characteristics attractive– That is, when they aren’t forced; when they aren’t contrived- when you can talk about other things other than your band and the new Toms that you’re about to buy.
(just thought I’d add in some clarification)

________________

“*I probably just came pretty dang close to describing myself. But in my defense, I only have one of those aforementoined fauximarockclimberbutnotreally clips hooked to my belt loop because I would loose my keys otherwise… and also, Donnie Darko isn’t my favorite movie. It’s in my top 14 or so, but not number one.”

So then I wrote:

“So I often have these exact same feelings. think Manhattan, KS is bad? walk around Wicker Park on a Saturday. it’s fucking ridiculous.

“But there’s more going on here, right? Why does it irk us? What actually drives these feelings? Because, like me, all you have is a little slate to scrawl on — a blog, which the people you’d love to tell these things to will never see. For me, I know at least one portion of our annoyance is somehow derived from the fact that we see ourselves as the perfect balance between fashionable yet reasonable, cool yet grounded, hipster yet not too hipster. Anyone less trendy doesn’t offend us but doesn’t get our attention either. Anyone more trendy is written off as trying too hard, too contrived, like you said.

“But it’s obvious that we don’t actually inhabit this perfect space, right? Because it’s all relative. People less fashionable than us look at us as if we’re trying too hard. And people more fashionable than us don’t notice us. So no matter what level of trendiness you subscribe to, you’re ahead of someone and behind someone else. Which makes it pointless to compare ourselves.

“I think another part of our hatred for those who “try too hard” stems from a lack of contentment with ourselves. We have to dislike them for being too eclectic because if we don’t, it means we aren’t eclectic enough. Not enough lace on our skirt, our glasses rims too small and too thin. Our pants not skinny enough. Again, relativity causes us problems. There’s someone across the street writing us off because they don’t want to feel bad about themselves. They want to be content.

“These tactics for contentment really don’t work though, as I’m sure you have figured out. What hope do we have in being okay with ourselves if we’re always looking to this person or that person, this group or that group for acceptance?

“I was in a folk trio for a while in Manhattan and when you do something like that you have to look a certain way. So I felt pressure to wear certain clothes and be a certain type of person. But those people (the musicians and our fans) weren’t my only friends. There were the bicyclists and Critical Mass, the other baristas at Radina’s, the Well attendees, the journalism students and a thousand others. After a while it became impossible to appease everyone, if anyone, and I realized I just had to be content with whatever.

“Which is easier said than done. But possible. What’s even harder is allowing other people that contentment, because as your post proves, we’re quite quick to harass others for just about anything. That we don’t confess our judgments to people doesn’t really matter. It puts us in a place of contemptuous comparison. We have to learn to be okay with people: if they are overly trendy and obnoxious about it, or if they just this year fell in love with Feist, or if they only listen to Top 40, or if, heaven forbid, they go to Country Stampede every year.

“As you wisely conceded at the end of your post, it’s hypocritical to be pissed at other people for stuff like this. Hopefully at some point that concession is no longer the postscript but a prescript. Or better yet, the only thing that runs through our heads, skipping all the frustrations. Choosing contentment. Observations with purpose. Grace.”

And that concluded the digital conversation.